Last night in Bible study we were talking about Philippians 2:12 where Paul tells the Philippians to "work out their salvation with fear and trembling." We were discussing exactly what Paul meant by "with fear and trembling." We all agreed that he didn't mean to literally be shaking with fear our whole lives as we live as Christians or that we have to work to attain and maintain salvation, but rather to have a sort of reverence and respect for the Author of our Salvation. Another person in my group gave this analogy... She said it's kind of like when, as children, we break something, we aren't afraid that our parents are going to disown us or hurt us, rather we are afraid that they will be disappointed or hurt by our actions. This analogy had so much truth and conviction in it for me...

When I sin against God many times I simply come proudly before Him knowing he'll forgive my sin, I ask for that forgiveness and give myself a renewed, forgiven feeling.  This can no longer be the case, my sin must break me.  I have committed an act of rebellion and disrespect toward my perfect, completely holy Creator.  I must be broken over my sin.  I must feel the pain that I have caused my Father and see the depth of the eternal consequences of those actions.  Don't get me wrong, God does forgive and wash white the slate of our sin, but in order to be truly transformed from the flesh, I must come to that point where I feel the depth of my sin, where I see those actions as a complete disgrace to God.

I pray that I would come to that point where I am completely broken of my pride and I desire a life above reproach before the throne of God.  I pray God that You would show me the depth of my sin and reduce me to nothing so that my everything can be in you.

"reduce me to ashes

let me feel the depth of my sin

reduce me to ashes

undo my heart once again

I need a fresh view of you, Jesus

expose me in your holiness

a fresh view of you, Jesus

drown me in this hallowed place... reduce me to ashes

reduce me to ashes

rend my soul to see who I really am

reduce me to ashes

then put me back together again"

-Mark Jones

this is what happens when it's two hours before the halloween dance and your walking through goodwill with some friends with no idea what you're going to be.

I was talking with one of my friends yesterday through text about a band… Manchester Orchestra… they’re good. Check ‘em out if you haven’t already heard them… and if you have, listen to them some more. Anyway… so we we’re going back and forth about this band and maybe trying to see them in concert and out of no where my friend asks me this question. He says, “When you were dating (previous girlfriend) did you ever like another girl besides her?” This question kinda startled me because it literally came out of nowhere I mean it went straight from Manchester Orchestra in one message to this question in the next. But… he is one of my best friends so… I answered. I said, with complete honesty, that admittedly at times during our relationship other girls had caught my attention as attractive but none of them ever made me want to break up with her. Then, of course, I asked him why he asked me that. His reply hit me in the face because it was so full of truth. He said that he’d been thinking a lot about how a relationship between a man and a woman so closely resembles how our relationship with God usually works. This is so true. I mean, I know that marriage is supposed to be a picture of God’s intimate relationship with his church, but I’d never thought much more of it than that. Think about it! In our relationships with our Savior, many times throughout our lives, throughout our days, sin seems desirable. Temptation creeps up and grabs us. It looks so beautiful, attractive and enticing. Sometimes we even want to dive in headfirst. Sometimes we loose all sight of our current commitments. However, in the end, in a true growing relationship with our Savior we never leave Him, or should I say, He never leaves us. At least in my own life, in every circumstance, every temptation, and every sin, God never leaves and eventually I realize my need for Him. Eventually, every time, I realize that nothing else satisfies, that He is the only One. Just a thought… kinda scattered…

so this morning i was doing my devotions for my discipleship program here at the BCM and part of the days devotion had me reading I Corinthians 13:4-6. i saw this and automatically had the typical thought of any 'christian school/grown up in church' kid. this thought went something like this, "oh, I Corinthians 13, that's the love chapter. i've read this hundreds of times, why am i turning here again?" but despite the thought, i turned there anyway because i had to list the characteristics of love. so i journeyed through the pages and arrived at my destination. i started in verse 4 and as i read something awesome hit me. at the end of verse 5 in my new american standard bible it says that love 'does not take into account a wrong suffered.' now you may be thinking... "ok, so what the point? why is this so cool?' well think about it... we all know that the Bible says God is Love (I John 4:8) and if 'not taking into account a wrong suffered' is a characteristic of love, then it must be a characteristic of God. do you see what i'm saying? here is another proof that God hold nothing against us! if we come with humbled repentant hearts God forgives unconditionally. our slate is wiped clean, white as snow. just another evidence of the great grace and forgiveness of our God...

this is ridiculous